A Movie Review

Tonight I watched a movie on Tubi titled “Shudderbugs”. There are only two characters in the entire movie. And a cat. A young woman goes back to her childhood home after her mother dies. A mother whose last phone calls she neglected, neglected to answer and neglected to return. When we feel guilty, we always want to find someone or something else to blame. And that is what this movie is about.

It’s beautifully executed. The deceased mom was a poet and had planned a birthday party for the daughter who declined to answer her phone calls, a birthday party complete with poems and a scavenger hunt. Her voice mail messages, when the daughter finally played them, were always hopeful, hopeful the daughter would show up.

The word “shudderbugs” is a word the mom used to describe feelings she got when she knew things she had no way of knowing. And the daughter comes to learn the meaning of the word, also. Her blameful attention turns to the neighbor who found her mother’s body. She cannot find a ring she says her mom always wore, and her mom’s dog has disappeared. All this fits right into her theory of blame.I found this movie captivating, emotionally so at times, and, also, a learning experience.

 

Before and After

 The prompt I emailed to my writing pod earlier this month, “before and after” moments”, brought back memories of the deaths of loved ones, how it was before, how it was after. I’m sorry to sound morose, but this was the only thing that came to mind, probably because my Jim’s death was on July 19th, 2012. But, oddly, the first death I thought of was my mom’s.

Me and Mommy at Rehoboth Beach, DE

I’ve written about my mom before, how young she died, how she had lung cancer, how I miss her. I think of all of this when I think of her, but with the passing of time, I think of many other things as well.

Everyone who met my mom liked her, and I’m not saying that because she was my mother, but because they did. She was one of those people who exuded friendliness, a welcoming of social contact. As I think of her now, we are shopping somewhere, and I’m holding her hand which I remember as being slightly sweaty. Now, we’re crossing a street in Dover, somewhere near where my Uncle Parvin and Aunt Sandy live. And also close to the Capitol Theater where my Uncle Nick is the projectionist.

Mommy and Aunt Sandy at Rehoboth

Traffic is fairly non-existent on this street. North Street, I remember now. It’s a one-way in an easterly direction. I think that’s weird. I’ve been on it often, sometimes staying overnight with Parvin and Sandy, and sometimes to drop off film canisters with Uncle Nick and Aunt Sadie. Movie posters would be waiting for Uncle Nick to drive around and deliver to country stores in Kent County, a ride I loved in their jeep called a “woody” back then.

I remember the old movie poster for Disney’s Lady and the Tramp, and I put up such a fuss I got to see the movie in Uncle Nick’s projection room at the Capitol while it was playing, all the while stuffing my mouth with hot fries drenched in  vinegar from the snack bar.

Uncle Nick, me and Aunt Sadie at Pop-pop’s farm

But, now, I’m holding Mommy’s hand and we’re going to see Aunt Sandy. Mommy has a large envelope in her other hand, a black and white Easter photo of me, which Aunt Sandy is going to tint. And I’m spending the night.

The next day I get to watch Aunt Sandy paint, and I fall in love with art. Although I watch her hands, I see the pure joy in her face as she totally forgets I am sitting across from her. I speak, but she doesn’t hear me. I want to know that place and go there.

Sandy’s tinted photo

For a long time after Mommy died, the only picture I kept in my head was me holding her hand in ICU, and, after, of crying in the waiting area. Of driving her back and forth to Wilmington for chemo treatments. Of her saying she couldn’t swallow. Although my grief has never ended, through the years my memories of earlier times have expanded and softened those later last memories.

It’s strange looking back at these photos. When I picture my mom now, it’s these pictures, this time period, that I remember, not after she was ill. And I’m so glad.

And this preview of the 1955 movie really brought back some memories.

Lady and the Tramp (1955) Trailer #1 | Movieclips Classic Trailers